HelmCabin in the WoodsMathew

The Cabin in the Woods
four point five flamers]4.5 flamers

2012 MGM. Directed by Drew Goddard. Written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard. Running time: 95 minutes. R. Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams

Mathew: This was awesome!

Helm: Yes.

Mathew: Whooo Hoooo! I dug it!

Helm: You seem giddy. It was a solid film. Very enjoyable.

Mathew: Come on, Helm. This thing was more than solid. It was FREAKING AWESOME!

Helm: You always have to go overboard. You are like a teenage girl on a hormone rollercoaster of drama. Everything is either FREAKING AWESOME or FREAKING TERRIBLE. It tires me just being near you. And you sweat more than usual when you are so excited.

Mathew: Dude, you've got to admit this movie was cool! Good looking teens. A cabin in the woods. Funny drug references. Crazy bloodbath action. Other stuff...

Helm: Yes. I agree it was refreshingly good and unexpectedly so. It's not just another slasher film. It was smart on a number of levels-

Mathew: BOOBIES! It even had some boobies!

Helm: I almost prefer you when you are trying to fool people into thinking you are smart by acting pretentious. Could we, for a moment, overlook the breasts and concentrate on the clever writing, interesting philosophical position and deep reverence for, and understanding of, the slasher genre that was so clearly on display in this film?

Mathew: I did "overlook" the breasts. Nudge, nudge.

Helm: I am out.

Mathew: Helm?


Mathew: Look dude! Come back! I was just messing with you! I thought it was intellectually stimulating and a delivered an invigorating take on what has become a tired and predictable genre! I thought it deftly brought together critical elements from many of the modern classics of the horror oeuvre!


Mathew: Come on, Helm. I said intellectually stimulating, genre, deftly and oeuvre all in one go. Don't be a pouty baby.

Helm: Fine. You have redeemed yourself somewhat.

Mathew: BOOBIES!!!!

Helm: That cuts it!

helmfour flamersFour Flaming Swords!!

mathewfive flamersFive Flaming Swords!!

Mathew: Come on! I'm just trying to convey that it was fun as well as intellectually stimulating!


Mathew: Fine. I'm taking you to see "The Three Stooges" next.