HelmDark Knight Rises PosterMathew

REVIEW: The Dark Knight Rises
three point five3.5 flamers

2012 Warner Bros. Directed by Christopher Nolan. Running time: 164 minutes. PG 13. Starring: Christian Bale, Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, Anne Hathaway, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Morgan Freeman, Mathew Modine

Mathew: Dug this. Not as good as The Dark Knight, but better than Batman Begins. Lot's of awesome action, cool effects, solid performances. All in all, a deft handling of the ending the trilogy.

Helm: Agreed.

Mathew: Agreed? Really, just like that? Review over?

Helm: Yes.

Mathew: Yes?

Helm: What part of "yes" did you not understand? I also "dug" the film, though I agree with you that it is not as good as the second. The second was very tight and exceptionally well paced. This film was a bit flabbier and there were sections with far too much talking.

Mathew: I'm flabbergasted! It's like we're totally on the same page!

Helm: I also felt that the passage of time within the film was oddly handled. Several moments that should have taken very little time were played out too long and large stretches of time that should have been depicted in more depth were glossed over too quickly.

Mathew: Yes!

Helm: Also, I felt that bodily injuries, including certain chiropractic events, were handled in a way that jeopardized my suspension of disbelief.

Mathew: It's hard to believe how aligned we are on this! I'm amazed! It's like we're finally starting to see eye to eye on things...

Helm: I was also bothered by the convenient inconsistency of the stability of ice as well as the inconsistent resiliency of some human bodies-

Mathew: Testify, Helm!

Helm: -but most of all, I was very put out by the womanish weeping of a certain tough guy at a critical moment.

Mathew: Oh yea-- Wait. What?

Helm: The crying. I hate that particular variety of cinematic dung.

Mathew: That's what bothered you? Dude, those tears were totally justified! That dude was completely-

Helm: NO! It was out of character. Miles out of character!

Mathew: Helm! That's exactly why it was so powerful! It was pathos.

Helm: It was wrong. Nothing but sentimental poppycock that made the character seem a nithing.

Mathew: A nithing?

Helm: A weak and womanish wimp... ...Oh...

Mathew: Oh?

Helm: Nothing.

Mathew: Come on. Give.

Helm: Fine. You've asked for this. It was just that it suddenly dawned on me that you were not bothered by the crying because you yourself are such a cringing milksop.

Mathew: What?

Helm: Do not deny it, woman. You could relate because you yourself burst into tears at the slightest provocation.

helmThree point fiveThree and a Half Flaming Swords!!

mathewThree point fiveThree and a Half Flaming Swords!!

Mathew: Sometimes crying is justified.

Helm: Like when you run out of popcorn and the film still has over an hour left?

Mathew: You've got to admit it was a very long film...