HelmDale N TuckerMathew

Tucker & Dale

vs. Evil

four point five flamers4.5 flamers

2010 Reliance Big Pictures, Loubyloo Productions, Gynormous Pictures. Directed by Eli Craig. Running time: 89 minutes. R. Starring: Tyler Labine, Alan Tudyk, Katrina Bowden

Mathew: What a gem! This movie was a blast!

Helm: Agreed! The film took your beloved "slasher" genre and turned it on its head, gleefully playing with the typical conventions.

Mathew: While still paying loving homage to the oeuvre!

Helm: Is one such as you allowed to use the word oeuvre?

Mathew: One such as me? The word oeuvre was practically invented for ones such as me!

Helm: I do not accept that as a fact. Although, I suppose that the term hors d'oeuvre might have been invented for one such as you.

Mathew: Damn it, Helm! And we were off to such a good start with this review! We were agreeing with each other and everything. Why are you always so negative?

Helm: That is merely your perception of the situation. From my perspective, I am simply being realistic and examining things from a neutral perspective.

Mathew: You are totally not being neutral.

Helm: That is your opinion, formed in the absence of fact by jumping to faulty conclusions.

Mathew: Wait a second. I see what you're doing here. Clever! You're making a point about the movie.

Helm: Pardon?

Mathew: You're doing that whole "meta" thing where you make the subtext of the review mirror the subject of the review. Nice!

Helm: What are you blathering about?

Mathew: You're connecting our situation to the plot of the movie... the whole thing about how important our perceptions are in forming opinions about people that color our interpretations of their later actions.

Helm: That is not what I was doing.

Mathew: Oh my god! That is so totally what you were doing! You feel a connection because there's a loveable loser in this film, and he's kind of overweight, but the audience learns to look past the surface!

Helm: That is actually the opposite of the point I was making.

Mathew: Wow, Helm. I get it. This is like some kind of veiled, "tough-guy" apology for all the times you've jumped to the wrong conclusions about me based on the poor impression you formed of me when we first met.

I'm kind of touched.

Helm: You are decidedly touched. In the head!

Think back over my words. There was no apology! I was praising the film and criticizing you for being a pompous ass. There was nothing more to it than that.

Mathew: It's cool, Helm. Go ahead and protect your dignity with an empty denial. I hear what you're not saying, not what you are saying, and that's what's important.

Helm: No! What is important is what I AM saying! You are an out-of-shape idiot with delusions of grandeur! You have done more to jeopardize the safety of the earth through your incompetence and weakness than any ten villains combined!

Mathew: The louder you bluster, the more it confirms it. This movie has made you re-examine your perspective and now you see how cool I really am. That's the power of really good parody.

Helm: Listen to me you bdolotic skitkarl! While I greatly enjoyed this film, it caused me to re-examin exactly nothing about you or our relationship!

Mathew: Sure, sure. It's cool. Whatever.

Helm: Wipe that stupid smile off your face! I am insulting you!

helmfour point five flamersFour and a half Flaming Swords!!

mathewfour point five flamersFour and a half Flaming Swords!!

Mathew: Insult me all you want, Helm. I know what you're really trying to say.

Helm: I AM SAYING WHAT I AM REALLY TRYING TO SAY!

Mathew: No you aren't. I know you are saying exactly what you're not saying.

THE FLAMING SWORD ARCHIVES