Helm Talks Banner

Wisdom of the Day: When engaged in a dangerous undertaking, always, always wear a helmet.

Past words and wisdom of the Helm:

Brains can sometimes outsmart brawn, brawn oft' batters in brains. The secret is to cultivate both. -February 13th

Before battle with vampires, wash with holy water. -February 12th

The end is nigh. 'Tis always nigh for someone. Just keep that in mind when deciding how to navigate thy day. -February 11th

Take a bath now and again. Poor hygiene hath destroyed more armies than all human foes combined. -February 10th

The battle is not lost until thy sword is broken, thy comrades fallen and thine own life's blood soaks the ground around thy shredded corpse. 'Til then, i'll hear nothing of failure. -February 9th

Despair is the heart of defeat. Do not give in, do not give up. -February 8th, 2010

Be ready. -February 7th

The vast bulk of villainous blackguards do not regret their evil choices until someone forces them to. -February 6th

Keep moving. -February 5th

Avoid slogging through water. There is always something lurking in it. -February 4th

Learn at least three forms of combat, at least one of them unarmed. -February 3rd

Do not just beat the odds, maim and kill them. -February 2nd

Do not believe everything that you believe. -February 1st

Quit thy bellyaching! -January 30th

The ingenuity of the mind lies in avoiding hardship to increase comfort. The ingenuity of the soul lies in using hardhsip to increase character. Often, the two are at cross purposes. -January 29th

Any strength, taken too far, becomes a weakness. -January 28th

The goal is not to conquer nature, but to understand her deeply enough that she serves thee willingly. -January 27th

War is most effectively enjoined by those who have mastered inner peace. -January 26th

Most enemies will instantly lose their composure and begin making critical mistakes in combat the moment even one of their eyes is gouged out. So, go for the eyes. -January 25th

All things being equal, 'tis best to dispatch thine opponents quickly and with mercy. All things being equal. -January 24th

The best way to deal with a wolf in sheep's clothing is to shear it. -January 23rd

Hew off the head. 'Tis a good way to ensure that the job is well and truly done. -January 22nd

Do not seek battle, but always defend the weak and let no challenge to goodness go unanswered.-January 21st, 2010

Cursing loudly makes the pain more bearable. -January 20th

Rub salt in thy wounds. 'Tis painful, but t'will make them heal faster. -January 19th

Do not brace for impact, rather relax for impact. T'will result in less overall damage. -January 18th

'Tis quite possible that thou art being watched. -January 17th

All things must come to an end. I have ended quite a number of things myself. -January 16th

Use thine enemy's strength against him...or her, I suppose. -January 15th

Do not dwell overmuch on the past lest ye begin to dwell in the past. -January 14th

To bring down the mighty, all that is required is one small weakness. -January 13th

Even if thou should fall in battle, there are still ankles that can be hewn from the ground. -January 12th

Fate? I prefer to believe the gods could not be so cruel. -January 11th

Rest, recuperate, plot thine next attack. -January 10th

Think not overmuch of thine accomplishments. Even Ozymandias had his buttocks kicked by time's relentless march. -January 9th

Sharp words, sharp cheese, a sharp sword-only one does real damage. React accordingly. -January 8th

The trick is not to see into the mind of thine enemy, but to drive thy sword into it. -January 7th

Evil has a smell. -January 6th

Thou art running out of time. -January 5th

The world is beautiful but fragile like glass. Evil is poised to shatter it at all times. -January 4th

Art thou living? Then what is there to complain of? -January 3rd

What is the worst that can happen? Let us start there in our planning. -January 2nd

Today is the day. -January 1st

Drink now! Drink and be merry! -December 31st

It never hurts to be cautious. -December 30th

Kick to the testes. -December 29th

Follow this order: approach, assess, attack. -December 28th

Peace and light are oft' purchased with blood and ruin. -December 27th

Cultivate no attachments. -December 26th

Sometimes there is naught for it but to go down swinging. -December 26th

Anger is good for the blood. -December 25th

There is little that requires as much effort or returns such great reward as being patient. -December 24th

Hound and harry thine enemies relentlessly. -December 23rd

Be generous with thy possessions, stingy with thy trust. -December 22nd

Be charitable to the man beside ye. He may have just saved mankind. But keep a close eye on him. He might as easily be a demon bent on the destruction of the world. -December 21st

Bother. -December 20th

Although not always appropriate, it can be highly gratifying to break things. -December 19th

True character is revealed, not by what men say, but by the choices they make under pressure. -December 18th

A friend in need is a liability...yet there is nothing for it but to help. This is why thou should closely limit thy circle of friends to only those thou wouldst give thy life for. Have as many acquaintances as thou would like.-December 17th

Oft evil cloaks itself in comely form to woo the virtuous and bring down the just. -December 16th

Be ever prepared to die. -December 15th

Curse meddlers and busybodies. -December 14th

An arrow through the eye will definitively end most arguments. -December 13th

Retreat when necessary. There is no shame in it. -December 12th

Pain is useful. -December 11th

Be thankful for the gift of fear, but remember, 'tis better to give than to receive. -December 10th

It may be a trap. -December 9th

Nothing is inevitable. -December 8th

Don't make excuses or apologies. -December 7th

The courageous, decisive and swift own the world. The wise care little for such posessions. -December 6th

The fastest way out of trouble is through it. -December 5th

Those who do not remember the past are doomed. But that is not unusual. So are those who remember the past. -December 4th

Strike attacking dogs on the neck or nose. Dogs' skulls are generally too thick for thy blows to cause useful damage. -December 3rd

Always be prepared for battle and always carry a weapon, even if only a walking stick or a rock. Also, go for the eyes. -December 2nd

Do it. Do it now. Thou knowest of what I speak. -December 1st

Peparation is the best defense against bad luck. 'Tis not a flawless defense, however. Luck is spectacular. -November 30th

Strike first, no questions necessary. -November 29th

Think not too much of thyself. Chances are thou art less than nothing in the grand scheme of things. -November 28th

Give thanks for all thou hast. No matter thy effort, none of it is earned. -November 27th

Pay thy debts promptly. -November 26th

Any thimblewit will fight when his back is up against the wall and there is no choice. The true warrior draws steel eager and early, only sheathing his blade in evil-doer entrails. -November 25th

Nothing is over until everything is over. -November 24th

Be open minded but skeptical. That is wisdom. -November 23rd

Focus. -November 22nd

Beat down the wicked. -November 21st

No man can escape death. This is not to say that it is impossible to escape death, only that to do so, thou must give up thy humanity. -November 20th

Now and then, even the Gods need a good arse kicking to remind them of the power of free will. -November 19th

Which is worse? To do evil or to allow it to be done. Well, idiot, to do evil is worse, but if thou allow evil to be done, I shall still descend upon thee like thunder and crush thy head as a rock crushes a nut. -November 18th

Courage is not fearlessness. Courage is being afraid and going forward anyway. -November 17th

Let nothing stop thee. Magic has far less power than the refusal to be stopped. -November 16th

Justice oft must be purchased with force, but force applied without justice is mere evil. -November 15th

The Gods think thou art ridiculous. Laugh with them or be destroyed. -November 14th

Nothing makes a man angrier than being justly accused of his own stupidity. -November 13th

Security is a fantasy. And a dangerous one at that. -November 12th

Do not think without acting. Do not act without thinking. -November 11th

Peace is a wonderful thing, but give me fire, thunder and earthquake. -November 10th

Words will not move mountains. Thou wilt need a large shovel. -November 9th

Avoid general goals--to be happy, to be powerful. Action requires specifics. -November 8th

7 and 42. Do not underestimate their power. -November 7th

Be honest with thyself. -November 6th

Wash thy hands frequently. In the blood of thine enemies. -November 5th

'Tis better to be right than liked. -November 4th

Those who scorn magic are oft destroyed by it. -November 3rd

Always keep the end in mind. -November 2nd

One good idea, seen through to its end, is far better than a thousand excellent notions explored but a little. -November 1st

Beware monsters disguised as humans. -October 31st

Always sleep with a weapon close to hand. -October 30th

Conflict is the heart of nature. Ignore or deny this at thy peril. -October 29th

Better to die with your head held high than live with it bowed. -October 28th

Show mercy. Do not expect it. -October 27th

Weak is the man who claims his successes and blames his failures on misfortune. -October 26th

'Tis easy to find fault. There is more than enough to go around. -October 25th

Study the past, plan for the future, live in the moment. This sounds easy but is eternally confounding. -October 24th

Meaning well is useless. Do well. -October 23rd

The world is largely filled with fools. They are an ungodly huge crowd. -October 22nd

Keep thine eyes always open and thy brain focused on seeing what is really around you rather than what you expect to see. -October 21st

It is better to deserve praise and not receive it than to receive praise and not deserve it. -October 20th

Moderation is only a virtue when there is a ready alternative. -October 19th

The work of years is destroyed in a moment. -October 18th

'Tis good to win. -October 17th

Pay heed to the reactions of animals. They often know the true lie of things before humans even begin to suspect. -October 16th

Adapt. -October 15th

Respect what thou dost not understand. -October 14th

Desperation may infuse a man's sword with deadly power, but cold skill and hard experience are the richer fuel. -October 13th

Cherish thine comrades as if they are already dead and gone. Their exit from this world will come to pass far too soon. -October 12th

First the work, then the play. -October 11th

Live lustily or not at all. -October 10th

There is no escaping death, so waste not thy time in pointless flight. Turn, charge, kick death hard in the collions! -October 9th

'Tis best to view everything as a potential weapon. Everything. -October 8th

Both parties are liable to sustain grievous injury in a knife fight. Best to strike fast, strike first and worry about niceties later. -October 7th

Not all battles need be fought with force. -October 6th

While 'tis true thou should not waste effort, 'tis also wise to ensure thine opponents are well and truly out of the fight. Overkill is a virtue. -October 5th

'Tis hard to recall in the thick of it, but when battling the undead, do not waste time trying to "kill" them. Dismemberment and fire. Dismemberment and fire. 'Tis an approach that works equally well with the living. -October 4th

Do not go out of thy way to keep the peace between friends. Let them fight it out quickly and settle the issue. -October 3rd

Never praise. Encourage. -October 2nd

Even the most complex knot can be cut with a sharp enough blade. -October 1st

Do not waiver and do not merely try. Do, or do not. 'Tis simple as that. -September 30th

Practice thy swordplay in full armor. -September 29th

When confronted by thine enemies, up and at them! Let not evil rest! -September 28th

Natural disasters will derail even the most meticulously laid plans. Keep this in mind. -September 27th

Craft an appropriate battle cry. 'Tis shameful to rush into combat sounding like a stumbletongued pettifogger. -September 26th

Trust the feeling that something is wrong. Something is almost always wrong. -September 25th

Be attentive to thy personal grooming. -September 24th

Choose carefully the moment to strike and thou needst only strike once. -September 23rd

Spend not thy gold before it is plundered. -September 22nd

No one knows anything. -September 21st

The best armor in the world will not save thee from drowning. -September 20th

Disabuse thyself of the notion that anything truly belongs to thee. -September 19th

Wash thy hands frequently. Nay, compulsively. -September 18th

Practice throwing thy knife every day. No exceptions. -September 17th

A seasoned warrior is a book of scars that tells the tale of his battles. -September 16th

Trust thy intuitions... Unless thou art one of those baffleweeds whose intuitions are always wrong. -September 15th

Keep forearm and hand aligned when throwing a punch. -September 14th

There is no such thing as a fair fight. -September 13th

Blood does not make a superior quenchant when forging a blade. -September 12th

Pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention. -September 11th

To avoid falling asleep on watch, keep thy mind and body actively engaged. Do not huddle in thy cloak by the fire! Breathe the cold air, move about, whittle. -September 10th

Remember this; every part of thy sword is a weapon, not just the blade. -September 9th

When the distance to travel is daunting, focus on the individual steps. -September 8th

Keep thy feet shoulder width apart. Slide rather than step. Keep thy blade close when parrying. These simple things will save thy life. -September 7th

Do not pick at thy nose in public. 'Tis disgusting. -September 6th

If thou hast never had the food they call Cheetos, try them. I would recommend these edible orange sticks to the gods themselves. -September 5th

The higher one climbs, the farther one has to fall. So do not slip, imbecile! -September 4th

Rejoice, mortal, for the glorious death you may yet achieve! -September 3rd

It becomes more and more tempting, as things spiral further and further out of control, to simply let them. Do not. -September 2nd

All men are liars. -September 1st

Eat meat. -August 31st

Fear grows the more it is fed. Starve it. -August 30th

'Tis very important to stay grounded. Especially when dealing with electricity. -August 29th

Fight fire with water. -August 28th

Plan ahead, improvise in the moment. -August 27th

Too much power ruins any man. -August 26th

Horrors, like wonders, never cease. -August 25th

Practice holding thy breath as long as possible. Increased lung capacity is always useful. -August 24th

Elbow to the solar plexus, finger tips to the groin, back of the knuckles to the bridge of the nose. -August 23rd

Model the behaviors that thou wish to elicit.-August 22nd

Be clean and orderly. -August 21st

Do what thou sayest thou wilt. -August 20th

Watch out for crows. They are considerably smarter than they are given credit for. -August 19th

Grab evil by the testicles and squeeze. Squeeze until its potential to reproduce is gone. -August 18th

Pack extra underclothes. -August 17th

The tragedy of a man is his inability to reconcile the immense impact of his actions with his utter unimportance. -August 16th

Learn the languages of others. -August 15th

There is no problem that obsessive worry cannot worsen. -August 14th

If thine arm is pinioned when battling a giant clam, do not struggle and waste thy breath. Reach back toward the upper left or right side (which ever the closest be) until thy hand touches the adductor muscle. Grasp this muscle firmly and the shell will open. -August 13th

Remain calm. -August 12th

Keep thy teeth clean. A hero may die of an abscessed tooth as readily as the most craven fool. -August 11th

Learn the art of knot tying. A good knot will certainly save thy life. -August 10th

Flexibility of body and mind is more useful than the finest armor...for the most part. -August 9th

While it has been said that the sting of a giant jellyfish may be muted with fresh urine, this is not true. The damaging effects of the venom of the jellyfish may, indeed, be moderated by urine, if the urine is acidic (rather than alkaline), although vinegar is better for this purpose. Alkaline urine will actually make the problem considerably worse. And either variety of urine will, in no wise, decrease the pain. -August 8th

Visit the sea. 'Tis both humbling and inspiring. -August 7th

Four hours of sleep is more than sufficient. Rise! Thy glory fades by the second. -August 6th

Maintain thy freedom at all cost, but exercise it judiciously. -August 5th

Be self sufficient. Rely not on others. -August 4th

When battling dragons, go for the eyes and inside of the mouth. The armor is too hard to penetrate. Oh, and bring a fireproof cloak if one is ready to hand. -August 3rd

Be prepared for the things that can fail to fail. Especially thy courage. -August 2nd

If it looks like a pig, and smells like a pig, 'tis most likely a pig. -August 1st,

The greatest driver of human behavior is the quest for meaning. Unfortunately, because finding meaning is so difficult, many men settle for accumulating gold. -July 31st

There is no substitute for hard work to deliver the day. -July 30th

Keep thy troubles to thyself, blubbering prisspot. -July 29th

Tend to thy wounds quickly and with care. 'Tis shameful to lose a limb from the rot. -July 28th

In truth, thou cans't control nothing in life but thine own thoughts, and even these may prove difficult. -July 27th

Share not thy goals until they be achieved. -July 26th

Trust in no one. Always be at the ready. -July 25th

When battling a lich, remember, 'tis not enough to kill the physical body. The receptacle of the soul must be found and destroyed as well. This is of't easier said than accomplished. -July 24th

Eat blueberries. -July 23rd

Keep at it until thou art done. -July 22nd

When adventuring in the field, keep thy feet dry. -July 21st

When fighting a serpent barehanded, grab the beast by the end of the tail and crack it as thou would a whip. If the snake is too long, thick or heavy for this approach, especially if it is venomous, I will wager no money on thy odds. -July 20th

Do not forget to exercise thy brain as well as thy muscles. -July 19th

'Tis awe inspiring the damage that can be done in a second's carelessness. -July 18th

Bite off more than thou cans't chew. Swallow whole. -July 17th

When thrown forward from the saddle, resist the urge to throw up thy arms to break thy momentum. Thou wilt only break thy collarbones. Instead, tuck chin to chest and roll. 'Tis devlish hard to remember, but well worth the effort. -July 16th

'Tis not glamorous, but mind thy diet. The body is a furnace that burns brightest when the fuel is of highest quality. -July 15th

Avoid hand to hand combat with chimpanzees. Their arm strength is prodigious. -July 14th

Put not overmuch stock in omens and portents. Some, but not overmuch. -July 13th

Make no vow thou cannot keep. -July 12th

Put as much thought into thine choice of sword as thou would into the choice of a spouse. The sword is likely to be at thy side more regularly. -July 11th

Always keep well hydrated. -July 10th

'Tis easier to stay atop thy task now than to play at catch up later. -July 9th

A flat handed blow to the ear can effectively disrupt thy opponent's balance for crucial moments. -July 8th

Goblins greatly dislike the juice of the onion. It burns their skin and it has a smell they cannot tolerate. -July 7th

To know thy limits, thou must exceed them. -July 6th

Pain is valuable. -July 5th

Roll with the fall, do not brace against it. -July 4th

It is ungodly difficult, but well worth the effort, to train thyself to fight well with either hand. -July 3rd

Since thou must one day die, choose at least to die well. -July 2nd

Anything that is not ruined by excess is not real. -July 1st

The finest sword, in untrained hands, is a liability. -June 30th

When the first twinges of age touch thy bones, seek combat at every opportunity. At the least, the increased exertion will do thee good. At best, thou wilt find a glorious death before becoming a doddering graybeard. -June 29th

Keeping clear of temptation is much easier than resisting it. -June 28th

Do not carry a grudge over a minor slight, but always relentlessly hound evil doers to their very graves. -June 27th

Brook no intentional disrespect from any man. And 'tis best to assume that all disrespect is intentional. -June 26th

Do not overcomplicate thy plans, thy situation or thy life. Simplicity. Always simplicity. -June 25th

A good dog is to be prized above gold. -June 24th

If the Gods intended man to fly--BAH!! Give not a fig for what the Gods intend but wrest from them what thou canst. Apparently, they were none too keen on man gaining fire either. Ask Prometheus. -June 23rd

Inattention to the smallest of details oft brings down the greatest of men. -June 22nd

Be ever aware of the nearest exit. -June 21st

Beware women who seem unduly attracted to thee. 'Tis a certainty they are up to no good. -June 20th

If there is even the faintest indication that a seemingly priceless item may be cursed, leave it alone. Do not even lay a finger upon it. -June 19th

Steer clear of prophecies all together. There is naught to be gained in learning of them and much to be lost. Trust me on this. -June 18th

When choosing thy portion of plundered treasure, concentrate on precious gems. Gold is ungodly heavy and 'twill slow thee down disproportionate to its value. A handful of diamonds or rubies is much more valuable and readily portable. -June 17th

Sadly, much of life is loss. Take nothing as a given, take no one for granted. -June 16th

Dance! Dance with abandon! Dance intoxicates the soul. -June 16th

'Tis best to kill the undead from a distance. They are a foul lot for close combat. -June 15th

Make do. -June 14th

Mistakes are invaluable tools of growth--so be prepared to pay dearly for them. -June 13th

Giant spiders hate fire. -June 12th

Once made, thou cannot take back thy dunderheaded mistakes. -June 11th

Life is an offer. -June 10th

If thou art right, never back down. But what makes thee think thou art right? -June 9th

Use force. -June 8th

Let not a day pass without breaking a sweat. Effort is good for both body and soul. -June 7th

There is no shame in running from an explosion. Only shame in not running fast enough. -June 6th

If thou dost know thou wilt soon pass from light into darkness, close one eye. Once inside the dark, close the open eye and open the closed eye. 'Twill have adjusted and thou wilt not be left blinking whilst goblins slash thy belly. -June 5th

If thou dost encounter an evil artifact - a dread blade, a monkey's paw, a ring of power - destroy it immediately. Immediately. 'Tis always trouble otherwise. -June 4th

To laugh in the face of death is quite satisfying. Death hates that. -June 3rd, 2009

If thy cause is just and thy enemy large, declare thyself and strike. The first to strike often carries the day. -June 2nd

What thou dost not know can easily eviscerate thee while thy back is turned. So know everything. -June 1st

Shout while striking. 'Twill increase the force of the blow. -May 31st

Trouble Sleeping? A hard day's labor in the open air will put thee right. -May 30th

Every man hath his failings. 'Tis more than abundantly clear. But in no wise does this knowledge justify nor forgive persistence in error. On apprehending a fault or flaw, work tirelessly toward its correction. Be a proper man, not a wastrel nor a jackass. -May 29th

Always carry a back-up weapon. Always. -May 28th

An effective way to see into the mind of thine enemy is to hew off the top of his head just at the eyebrows. -May 27th

Before seeking the power to control others, first seek to control thyself. -May 26th

Be always on guard. Many a fair form conceals a foul nature. -May 25th

When all seems fair and going smoothly, look about thee! Mayhap the snare is already sprung! -May 24th

Make a good first impression and there will be no need for a second blow. I recommend a studded mace or morning star. -May 23rd

Slow and steady can lose the day. Charge now, with everything! -May 22nd

Sadness too is a part of life. -May 21st

. . . . -May 20th

Although 'tis said that love is stronger than fear, fear often has a considerably more immediate, palpable effect. -May 19th

Endeavor not to lie. At least not overmuch. -May 18th

Lay thee not down in thine own grave, sword undrawn. Fight, damn thee, fight! -May 17th

Do not be small, 'tis unbecoming. -May 16th

Keep thy wits about thee. -May 15th

Never assume thou art the author of thy success. Thou art merely a character. Random chance, brutal destiny and fickle gods conspire to write the tale in which we all act. -May 14th

Battle is a most fearsome and terrible joy. -May 13th

The best men couple great mental flexibility with a rigid moral code. The worst do the opposite. -May 12th

'Tis pointless to worry. Do what can be done and let the rest hang. -May 11th

All of life is a gamble, so make thy wagers shrewdly and let the dice fall as they will. -May 10th

Do not trumpet overmuch thine own accomplishments. The gods enjoy nothing so much as laying braggarts low. -May 9th

Often the most expedient way to change a man's mind is simply to bash in his skull. -May 8th

The free things are always the most dearly purchased: freedom, honor, justice, love. -May 7th

Try until thou cannot. Live until thou diest. -May 6th

Conflict is the heart of growth. -May 5th

Anger is like fire, useful but dangerous. Do not kindle it within thy home but hesitate not to blast it down upon thy shrieking enemies like the molten rage of the gods. -May 4th

Simple pleasures are the best. The buttery scent of fresh baked bread, the sweet taste of a crisp apple, the warm spray of an enemy's blood across thy face. -May 3rd

A man enters the world amidst screaming and blood and, the gods willing, exits in a similar fashion. -May 2nd

A square peg can fit a round hole if thou hast the need and a sufficiently large hammer. -May 1st

Do not trouble yourself overmuch with trifles. -April 30th

A name, uttered within the proper incantation, can wreak far more havoc than the most fearsome sticks or stones. -April 29th

The pen is mightier than the sword, but how will thou hold thy pen with both arms hacked off at the shoulder? -April 28th

Wash in ice cold water. It inspires the appetite, builds character and invigorates the soul. -April 27th

Keep about thee only the minimum necessary for survival--ideally only what thou cans't carry on thy person. Excess possessions are the worst form of liability--bad for the body as well as the soul. -April 26th

Only the truly stupid have no fear. -April 25th

'Tis not enough merely to face thy fears. Thou must seize fears by their ears, bite off their noses and head-butt them until their brains are as pudding. -April 24th

No half measures. Throw the dice! Attack with everything! -April 23rd

The mark any man leaves on history is as a belch in a hurricane. So make thy every belch a roar! -April 22nd

Even the most perceptive can be blind to their own flaws. Especially the most perceptive. Vainglorious jackanapes! -April 21th

If thy sword breaks, strike with thy shield. -April 20th

The straight arrow sinks deepest. -April 19th

Do not be stupid. At least, try not to be. -April 18th

Whatever good or evil thou do in this world know that, one day, the gods will pay thee back in kind. -April 17th

Never assume that thou art doomed to be forever what thou art at this moment. Change is the essence of life. Improve! Begin this instant! -April 16th

Feast, revel, laugh. Thy time is short and growing shorter. -April 15th

Let not thy head swell so far as to believe thou art the author of thine own success. Bumbling foozlers are oft exalted by queer circumstance and great men as oft' ruined by blind misfortune. -April 14th

Do not rely on luck or circumstance to deliver thee in thy moment of need. -April 13th

Thou cannot fight thy destiny. But be not such an ass as to believe thou knowest what it is. -April 12th

Sing. -April 11th

'Tis pointless to rail against what has already happened. Now, what will thou do about it? -April 10th

Be not a quibbler! 'Tis both annoying and unbecoming. -April 9th

Righteousness and superiority are excellent qualities in a person. Both are more survivable when coupled with a well-crafted breastplate or chainmail shirt and a serviceable shield. -April 8th

Nothing encourages humility half so well as a swift, unexpected kick in the buttocks. -April 7th

Even the best of men benefit from an occasional drubbing. -April 6th

Destiny is a cruel brute. -April 5th

Freedom and safety are not bosom fellows. -April 4th

Set thy mind to learning, from others, from books and from the world. Do this lest ye be a duddering baffleweed! -April 3rd

Spring gladdens the heart, maddens the brain and generally makes fools of otherwise rational beings. -April 2nd

At all times, keep thine eyes, ears and especially thy mind open, but keep thy mouth shut.-April 1st

Give not a fig for fashion, although a handsome half-cloak can be both stylish and useful for fouling an enemy's thrust. -March 31st

Do what must be done, though it destroy thee. -March 30th

No excuses, no delays. Rise fustilugs! Get about thy business! -March 29th

Romantic love! BAH! 'Tis a most dire peril. It blinds a man, befuddles his brain and renders him a fool. To seek it is the highest folly. -March 28th

There is at least as much good as there is evil in this world, though it is, in general, put to far less frequent and effective use. -March 27th

Make not excuses. The strong have no need of them and the weak they will not help. -March 26th

Always go for the heart! 'Tis equally sound advice when trying to persuade or engaged in mortal combat. -March 25th

There is no surer sign of a tiny, feeble mind, than inattention! -March 24th

THINK! Or at the very least, think slightly more often! -March 23rd

Good character is the result of some good sense, some good nature and much self denial. -March 22nd

Above all things, and upon all occasions, avoid speaking of thyself, if it be possible. -March 21st

Apparently, trans fats, although deadly, are delicious. Is this not always the way of things? -March 20th

Nature is neither mother nor servant. She most resembles a mate; by turns loving and contentions, nurturing and savage, lovely and harsh.-March 19th

True wisdom is always purchased dear. Ask Odin's empty eye socket. -March 18th

'Tis better to give than receive. Particularly in relation to death blows. -March 17th

A place for everything and everything in its place. Thy place is in a hole in the ground.-March 16th

No plan is foolproof. Fools are far too ingenious. -March 15th

Of all the monsters who stalk the darkness, the most deadly is man. -March 14th

Light a candle AND curse the darkness. Stinking darkness... -March 13th

The things most worth having are generally most dearly purchased. -March 12th

Do not give advice. -March 11th

Recorded music, played at massive volume! A wonder of unparalleled dimension! -March 10th

Strike first, parley after. -March 9th

As a general rule, hold thy tongue.-March 8th

Never yield. Even thy last breath may yet purchase victory. -March 7th

A man with nothing to die for has little to live for. -March 6th

Seize the day. Seize it by the throat. Crush its larnyx. -March 5th

Put less stock in a man's oath than in the wind he lets fly from his breeches. While both are readily broken and merely hot air, the fart is at least an honest expression. -March 4th

An ounce of prevention weighs more than thy brain. -March 3rd

I do not know why common sense is so named. Sense is anything but common. The vast bulk of men are blithering idiots.-March 2nd

A real lashing is often far superior in satisfaction and result to a mere tongue lashing.-March 1st

Smile...when thou cannot strike. -February 28th

Thou hast dug thine grave, now lie in it. -February 27th

Show no fear, especially when thou dost feel it. 'Tis an infantile milksop dost soil his canions in the face of danger. -February 26th

'Tis a layabout, an addlepate or a cur who knows not the difference between the impossible and the merely difficult. -February 25th

Self love draws a thick veil between a man and his flaws. -February 24th

Every man, no matter how lowly, has some use...even if only as an unwilling shield.-February 23rd

In all things, hope for the best but keep thy sword sharp and ready to hand. -February 22nd

The most complex incantation, perfectly recited, hath not the power to make even the finest donkey a man, yet scant few words, poorly chosen, can make any man a perfect ass. -February 21st

Thine opinion is like the crack betwixt thine buttocks--the louder ye sound it, the more I am affronted. -February 20th

Shut thine blowhole, focus thine miniscule attentions and DRIVE THINE ACCURSED VEHICLE!! -February 19th

Cease whining and take action, blatherskite! 'Tis always good counsel.-February 18th

Waste no time in dawdle or dalliance! Neither twee nor mincing be! -February 17th

Violence never solved anything...but it has settled much. -February 16th

Sparing use of words, liberal use of the blade...the wisdom of heroes. -February 15th