HelmGameOfThronesMathew

Game of Thrones

Five Flamers5 flamers

2011, Grok! Studio/HBO. Created by David Benioff, D.B. Weiss.
Based on
A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin
Episode length: 60 minutes. Season One: 10 episodes

Starring: Too many great people to mention, but Sean Bean and Peter Dinklage stand out even amongst the other gems.

Mathew: HOLY CRAP!

Helm: I second that.

Mathew: HOLY CRAP!

Helm: Yes, you've said that.

Mathew: HOLY CRAP!

Helm: Enough!

Mathew: I'm just saying.

Helm: Yes. I agree with you, but it is even more difficult than usual not to hate you when you blather so.

Mathew: I mean...HOLY CRAP! This show is so awesome! It's like...like if J.R.R. Tolkien had put a whole bunch of sex into Lord of the Rings and there was just a crapload of backstabbing and the ring wasn't that important because everybody was basically trying to kill everybody else and half the people were crazy, so there didn't even need to be a dark lord. Except, also, there were zombies or undead or...or something. And naked chicks!

Helm: You are a child. Worse than a child.

Mathew: Hot naked chicks! And, the coolest thing is that, and this is totally huge, WOMEN somehow don't seem to mind if you watch this show, even though it is a sword-and-sorcery-style fantasy epic with a bunch of naked chicks in it. WOMEN WILL EVEN WATCH THIS SHOW WITH YOU. AND LIKE IT. I can barely breathe.

Helm: I'll give you that this is a splendid show, full of texture and nuance that brings its characters to life in great dimension. And the way the show progresses! They sometimes do more in a single episode than I would have expected from a season. The only way I think I could like Game of Thrones better would be if you somehow could like it less.

Mathew: Okay, there you go with the whole killjoy thing again. Why can't you just be happy for me? This is totally like a dream come true for me. I mean, I know Jill watches the Narnia movies and Harry Potter and Beast Master with me, but it's kind of like something she does because she loves me. She puts up with those shows. But she is totally into Game of Thrones for real. She likes it.

Helm: As difficult as it is for me to find anything worthwhile about your harlot, I must confess that her affection for this show somewhat redeems her.

Mathew: You know who I'm just like in the show?

Helm: Hmmm. A minor character who was killed in an early episode, off screen and for cowardice?

Mathew: No. Don't be a jerk. I mean for real.

Helm: Okay. Perhaps the fat and hapless Samwell, who has only survived thus far because he has been befriended by Lord Snow?

Mathew: That hurts, Helm. I know you never want to give me any credit, but it's obvious that I'm totally like Khal Drogo.

Helm: !!@$#&#?!

Mathew: Dude. Did you just psychically spit out a drink? 'Cause it kinda sorta sounded like you just did a spit take, only I know you can't be drinking anything because you are just a magical helmet.

Helm: Sorry. I was...surprised. YOU are like Khal Drogo?

Mathew: Yes. A big, powerful brute of a man, but one who has been taken for granted and overlooked by the noble lords of the land simply because he's never made a proper grab for power. Probably destined for greatness, but way above the backstabbing and politicking that's considered a given in the rest of the realm. Hairy, sure, but tough as hell and with a warm spot for his foxy Khaleesi. Sound familiar?

Helm: This review is at an end.

helmFive Flamers Five Flaming Swords!!

mathewFive FlamersFive Flaming Swords!!

Mathew: I'm telling you, Khal Drogo.

Helm: If you are like anyone, perhaps it is that prince.

Mathew: That's more like it. Which prince?

Helm: Robert Arryn...

Mathew: Okay, sorry, there's too many characters. Who?

Helm: Prince Arryn... Son of Lyza...

Mathew: Yeah...I'm not placing the name.

Helm: The nursing prince of the Eyrie.

Mathew: DOH!

THE FLAMING SWORD ARCHIVES